Like any other dating couple, Peter Khiew and Sally Khoo finally tied the knot on 3rd October 2009, after six years of dating. But, “Who are they?” you might ask. Well, they are unlike the glamour couple Christopher Lee and Fann Wong, but your usual everyday couple who decided to get married (which is also Stage 5 –the bonding stage- of Knapp’s model of relational development) and live the rest of their lives together.
Think it is that easy getting your life partner? Think again.
This article, taken from The Sunday Times dated 4th October 2009, was more than just about two people marrying. It touches on the point of competency between the two parties in a relationship and also, that even with two willing parties in a relationship, both parties may be on different stages according to Knapp Model of relational development despite knowing each other for quite some time.
Firstly, the financial and the social status competency of the two parties greatly differed when they first met at a karaoke session organized for singles in 2003. Peter was a Karung Guni (Rag-and-bone) man then, earning approximately $1,500 whereas Sally was a childcare centre principal whose pay was doubled of his. While many women would wince at the thought of having a partner whose pay was lesser, Sally did not mind. Furthermore, the job of a Karung Guni man, I am sure, is not a job most woman want their partner to have. This showed that there are exceptions in which people do form relationship with others who are less competent than they are. Despite both parties readily accepting each other, there was external pressure from Sally’s family as they felt that he was out to cheat her due to their different financial income. However, after meetings with both families, this uncertainty gradually disappeared.
After two years of dating, Peter was ready to settle down but Sally was not. This showed that Peter was already at the 5th stage –the bonding stage of Knapp’s model of relational development, ready for marriage, whereas Sally was still at the 4th stage –the integrating stage, only ready to admit to others that they are a couple. This shows that despite being a dating couple for two years, their attitude towards marriage does not coincide, which may sometimes, hurt a relationship.
Despite the rejection from Sally, Peter persevered for another four years and in the end, won her over with his acts of kindness. Since then, he has also found a full-time job as a purchaser for a local environmental management company.
After reading this article, I feel that seeing beyond looks and wealth is sometimes more important than focusing on these aspects when looking for a life-time partner. This is because many other aspects like the character can really decide if the person is the right one for you! And of course, a willing party to make the relationship a functional one. =D
Finally, I just want to wish this couple best wishes for the future, and hopefully continue to practise management skills in their relationship. (Or SUFFER THE FATE OF DISENGAGEMENT >.<)
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Hmm difference in qualifications, will that bring about more conflicts and problems?
ReplyDeleteAnyway i guessed this couple really been through alot, bet they have already crossed the hurdles to reach this stage?
Best wishes to them! =)
There are many more years to go for this couple. Disagreements MAY arise from them, because they might have differences in views.. Nobody can be sure what the future might be for them. Yeah, if management skills are practised in their relationship, I'm sure they can last forever. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen two people comes together, disagreement is unavoidable, due to different point of view regardings issues. Differences in academic qualification may prove to be a stumbling block in their relationship though. I feel that when conflict arises, both parties have to make a policy of joint agreement. This is to mean that there is a mutual consent towards an issue and both party are to agree totally, without a slightest grudge. I think this can help couples to sort out a lot of personall coonflicts.
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI've read about that article too. I think they are really a rare couple as one cannot find a lot of women in SG who are willing to marry someone who has unstable income such as the karang guni man. I'm in awe that Sally chooses to believe more in love than a stable life (although Peter did change his job to a more stable one in the end)
Honestly, I don't believe in real-life fairy tales with prince-charming and happily-ever-after lives. There will always be a risk of divorce as it is so common in our society. Rather than totally believing in love, I rather choose to believe in both income stability and love on an equal basis. Maybe because I saw my relatives around me got divorce because of money problems that I've arrived in this conculsion.
What do u believe in? :)
I feel that to have been able to get married would most likely indicated that they have already overcome the differences that they face.
ReplyDeleteBut indeed, to see that two people, who met each other when they social status was relatively different and them being able to continue their relationship, shows that sometimes (though not all of the time), the obstacles of a relationship can bring one closer together.
As society progresses and the higher one is up the social strata in terms of education and job success, one definitely becomes more particular when it comes to choosing a lifetime partner. Yet with ways and options to end a marriage easily available nowadays and the social stigma of being divorced definitely lessens as compared to before, it might actually encourage people so just take the plunge into marriage.
ReplyDeleteI really do admire this couple, and each half has shown great love for each other with compromises. The husband, who's salary is half of his wife's has to face the pressure of people viewing him as a 'disgrace' to men. The wife on the other hand, has to face seeing other women with their more successful spouses, and live up to that fact.
That being said, much as these are obstacles, it does not mean it cannot be overcome. It takes more than just love, but acceptance and tolerance to overcome it (:
Secret to a happy marriage.
ReplyDeleteCourtship: Open both eyes wide.
Engagement: Close 1 eys
Marriage : Close both eyes.
HI NICOLE!
ReplyDeleteYes I agreee! That was a sweet story. How the woman readily accepted the guy even though the he was of a lower "status" than her, earning lesser and of a lower class maybe. That could explain why her family hesistated about their relationship building. Thankfully, it was happy ending to a marriage althought the journey doesnt just end there.
I like this entry as it provided step by step analysis of what was takign place through their relationship. Interesting insights as well!
In relation to Romeo, this is another joke that i got which i think is rather relevant.
ReplyDeleteBefore marriage:
He: Yes! I've been waiting for this moment!
She: Do you want to leave me?
He: No! DOn't even think about it!
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! over and over!
She: Have you cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are u even asking that?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance i get
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person.
She: Can i trust you?
He: yes..
She: darling!
After marriage ( read from bottom up)
Well, even though i feel that in my cases, relationships do not turn out to be as bad as the joke implied, but i do feel that differences must be sort out in order to maintain a happy relationship.
As humans, each of us do have our flaws and no one is perfect. In relationships, it is either that of finding someone to complement you or to share similar interests. Whichever way, it is inevitable that there will conflicts from time to time, so couples should understand that and try to compromise with each other. If one has found the perfect one, why jeopardize it with a small issue? In order to be with the 'perfect' one, some imperfections have to be let go or learnt to be appreciated. In that way, differences can definitely be minimised
ReplyDeleteI think qualifications is something that people will take notice of heavily in a relationship.However, people should look beyond the exterior and see the heart as if the person has a good heart and a kind character, the rest can be slowly compromised and both parties can accept each other for who they are on the inside and not just their financial status
ReplyDeletewoohoo(:
ReplyDeletehaha hello nicole!
i think that both parites really had give and take to make their relationship work!the girl accepted the guy despite his lower status, which,is not something that is commonly seen in our current society! the guy too accepted that the girl was not ready to settle down and waited for her for FOUR YEARS!
haha thus this itelf is a good prove that it really does takes TWO TO CLAP!
imagine if the girl rejected the guy due to his status, or the guy decided to give up on their relationship instead of waiting for the girl!
they may never get to realise what a wonderful relationship they might be able to share together!
great example!